Female Viagra found in woman's cleaning closet

GEORGIE BINKS:

CBC News Viewpoint | October 20, 2003 | More from Georgie Binks

A couple of weeks ago, there was a big announcement that researchers had come up with a new treatment for erectile dysfunction in men. Called Cialis, it allows the pill-taker to be able to perform for up to 36 hours after taking it. When I mentioned it to a couple of female friends, their reaction was unanimous.

"Who has time to deal with a man in the mood for 36 hours?" (Actually, they didn't say it quite that politely, but I have to.) In fact, most considered the idea of a man who was ready and willing for action for that amount of time (unless a lot of yard work was involved) a liability not an asset.

It's not that any of these women don't enjoy sex. They do. It's just that for most women I know, trying to fit in when to do the laundry with, say, getting that report off to the boss – or if they are the boss, getting the reports out of the employees – there is little time left to think about sex and less to do it.

I did a search on the Internet on "female Viagra" and came up with an article that confirmed what I had learned after researching articles over the years for various women's and family magazines. It said that 43 per cent of women in the United States suffer some type of sexual dysfunction (about the same stats as in Canada), but that the problem was rarely physical.

Rather it was psychological, triggered by everything from family concerns, financial or job worries, childcare responsibilities, managing a career and children to fatigue and depression.

It took me back to an article I wrote about keeping sex alive in your marriage once children arrived. Dr. Pierre Assalian, the director of the human sexuality unit of the Montreal General Hospital, explained to me an exhausted woman was not going to be a responsive one.

Any new mother doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed and wrestling three loads of laundry single-handedly would not be in the mood. Dr. Assalian suggested men had to pitch in – and in a big way. He told me, "If a man shares the workload with her, his wife will be intimate with him as a gesture of love. But if he sits there and does nothing and then complains she doesn't love him, she has an idiot for a husband."

In other words, it didn't really matter what a man's window of opportunity was if his partner's window was shut. Or busy doing something else. Maybe it even had a headache. Dr. Assalian told me that many people blamed children for the demise of their sex lives but, in fact, the kids had simply heralded the arrival of a new job, one that both partners needed to do.

Another article I wrote looked at who had more sex, women in the work force, or women at home. You guessed it: women at home. The reason boiled down to one thing. Woman after woman that I interviewed told me they needed to get the laundry done. Those at home with kids could throw in a couple of loads a day, while women who arrived home at 6 at night were just starting to sort the lights from the darks.

I've been talking about time considerations so far, but the resentment factor is the other key. One woman told me, "It's bad enough if I'm doing everything. I won't have time to be romantic. But if I have to look at him sitting over at the TV doing nothing, then I just resent him big-time."

Sally Breen, a Vancouver sexuality counsellor, agreed that was a big factor. She said women working outside of the home had limited time, and resentment piled up, so that when men made an advance, women spurned it preferring to be on their own.

Another therapist told me that sometimes, people figured a weekend away without the kids would fix things. She said that was fine if all you wanted was to have sex once a year.

I have a male friend who tells me that he empties the dishwasher and drives the kids to soccer to help out his wife who works full time as a teacher and is frequently on her own while he travels. He can't figure out why she isn't in the mood more.

I asked him if he'd ever figured out the meals for a week, then done up the grocery list and gone out and purchased it. Or had he ever organized his two children's activities for the fall, co-ordinated the driving for it, purchased the necessary equipment and then had at least one child decide he wasn't going to do karate, and the son of one of the carpool drivers break a leg.

Funny how that kind of a thing, can kill desire in even the most motivated woman.

Now, I know there are men who share the responsibilities and many of them are smiling right now. For a good reason. Then there are others who run in, empty the dishwasher and figure they've done their bit. That unfortunately is the equivalent of the cheap bunch of carnations picked up on the way home from the store. And most women see through it.

The thing is, guys, there is a female Viagra. It's already been invented. Your competition is a bald man with an earring and big muscles sitting in a pail in a closet. Pour some in a bucket, add hot water, and keep using it over and over. You'll be surprised with the results. And you don't need a prescription.